I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
