So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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