Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
