I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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