i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
