Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
