just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
