im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I wear drunk well.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
