They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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