Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
