I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Randomize
