First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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