FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
