His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
