Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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