worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
