I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
