I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
third nipple confirmed
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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