Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
