I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
