Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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