She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
