Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
