Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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