bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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