WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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