i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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