Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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