currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
