He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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