he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
