if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
