I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
