You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
