we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's rum buckets o'clock
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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