wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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