I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
When are your genitals available?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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