It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
