let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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