Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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