This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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