i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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