I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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