My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
