I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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