But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
3pm strippers are depressing
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
