Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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