Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
