You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
