When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
that's an acceptable place to lick
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
