All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
