i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
