I must be too annoying 4 u.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
accomplished twins. life is a go
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
