I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
